I blame the super-collider

I have a theory. I believe that unknown to anyone in Los Angeles, there is a super-collider underneath us. Furthermore, it is directly underneath my office where particles collide and create tiny black holes. No, they don't destroy the earth. Rather, the black holes suck in much of my free time, many of my best thoughts, and all the chocolate I expected to find in the third drawer from the top (to the right of the sink).

I cannot prove this theory (perhaps the proof, too, has been black holed?). But I can't disprove it either, and it explains a lot!