Friday, December 23, 2011

Dear Santa, About Your Lists... (a paradox) - a Christmas poem

Greg Pincus

I’m really quite nervous I’m on the wrong list:
I’ve been “naughty” so much of the year.
And this means that Santa, if you do exist,
My Christmas won’t be full of cheer.

You see, this creates us a terrible mess.
Truly it wasn’t my goal,
But there’s only one thing I want, I confess:
A shiny, big, black lump of coal.

The problem, I think, is that if I’d been nice,
I’d get what I want in my stocking.
But since I behaved well perhaps once or twice...
To get what I want would be shocking.

Yet “naughty” kids get what I want, so you see...
That’s the reason I lied, spat, and stole.
Please keep that in mind when you come to my tree:
I want a big, black lump of coal.

I’d hate to get presents like music or money.
Don’t bring me a new catcher’s mitt.
No movies or Lego or books that are funny.
No, I wouldn’t like them one bit.

I know I was “naughty,” but please break your rule.
I’ve heard you’re a jolly old soul...
And giving me what I don’t want would be cruel!
So, please, bring a big lump of coal.

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Alex said...

LOL, I love it!

Irene Latham said...

Fun poem! And reminds me: a well-meaning adult gave me a piece of coal once, kind of as a paradox. I was confused and heartbroken and have never forgotten that moment...thanks for sharing.

Doraine said...

Fun, fun, fun.

david elzey said...

i don't know if reverse psychology works with the man in the red suit, but it's gotta be worth a try!

fun stuff.

Linda B said...

Surely you jest. Is it really okay to fool Santa? Hope you receive a little more than coal this Christmas!

jama said...

You are a naughty poet! Such a fun poem :), tsk, tsk.

Donna Smith said...

I'm betting you fooled him and will get lots of wonderful presents that have batteries and make noises and sparkle and taste good. I'll leave a note for him to remind him how much you lo-o-o-ve coal! I may try that too!
Thanks for the cute poem, and Merry Christmas, no matter what!

Greg Pincus said...

Thanks, y'all (and bonus thanks to Jama for calling me a naughty poet!). I'll let you know if I get bituminous or anthracite or neither!

Mary Lee said...

We had a discussion in my classroom about getting coal in your stocking if you were bad. "What is coal?" asked one of my ELLs. If Santa takes you up on this, send some my way, so I can show some fourth graders a rock that burns!

GatheringBooks said...

Big lump of coal comin' up!

Merry Christmas!

Rita said...

This is freakin' hilarious. Greg, I don't know how you keep coming up with these. So clever--a true paradox! :D

Happy Holidays!

Kathy McCullough said...


Sarah said...

I enjoyed reading this poem., Actually, I might print for my next Christmas greetings, I totally love this.